Have you ever had an experience that upset you so much that you couldn’t move on?
Your mind tells you that you are being ridiculous. Pretending it doesn’t hurt doesn’t work. You believe you are over it but the slightest thing triggers the emotions all over again.
Your mind tells you it is trivial!
Your reaction is far from trivial….
A friend hurts your feelings, you receive negative feedback or miss out on an opportunity that was important to you. You decide to never talk to your friend at all. Avoiding her at costs. You make a grand announcement that you are giving up performing to become a scientist. Maybe it is time to move to a new city!
Take a step back and look at it objectively and it is SO ridiculous, comical. You are still stuck!
I know this feeling well. It is also VERY common for the clients I support. Gifted individuals are sensitive beings.
What is our greatest gift, can be our greatest challenge.
Why does this happen?
It appears that the ‘event’ or the ‘person’ in question is the cause of the feelings. Don’t be fooled – it isn’t.
One of my young performing friends is currently featuring in the wonderful and funny ABC3 Show, The Worst Year of My Life Again. The lead character has just experienced the worst year of his life, humiliated, bullied and embarrassed. He wakes up on his birthday to discover that time has reset itself and he has to relive the whole horrible year again!
Fortunately his friends convince him that this is his opportunity to get things right!
In real life this is impossible.
The ‘script writer’ of your life has a different plan!
This event is an ‘echo’ of something in the past that you didn’t deal with effectively. You didn’t have the maturity or resources. A similar event, with similar feelings occurs. LIFE is giving you that opportunity to deal with it. This experience is here to help you grow.
It doesn’t meant it is pleasant, far from it! It feels like hell. It is here because you are ready. It is here because there is something you need to learn in order to fulfil you potential.
Kazimierz Dabrowski (1902-1980) in his wonderful theory of Positive Disintegration highlights that tumultuous life events and inner conflict help us develop the strength that leads to self actualisation. This is a key process for creative, sensitive and gifted artists.
Your emotions are messages. They are gifts to help you heal and grow.
Please don’t stuff them away deep inside, or pretend that there is nothing wrong. You are loosing a valuable opportunity to be all you are meant to be.
How do you deal with these feelings and get UNSTUCK?
1. Where are these feelings in your body?
Get in touch with these feelings. Our emotions are held in our body. When we don’t deal with them, they manifest as physical illnesses. Screaming to get our attention!
Give yourself permission to feel the feelings completely.
2. What does this feeling remind you of?
This may take some time, you may have to hunt back well into your past. It will reveal itself when you are ready. Trying to figure it out rarely works. Go for a walk, clean out a cupboard!
This is a powerful message to the Universe that you are ready to let this go.
Once you know what the event is you can deal with it more effectively.
3. Time for some healing.
Watch the event play out like a movie, with you are the lead character. Feel empathy for the characters, without getting lost in emotions.
- What new perspective does distance give you?
- If that event happened today, what would you do differently?
- How can you apply these new perspectives and resources to your current situation?
Remember this powerful truth…
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” Pema Chodron.
This can be a difficult process to do by yourself. Recently I had to call on a coach friend to help me get unstuck. If you would love support dealing with painful experiences please contact me for one of my single sessions. I would love to offer you some support.